


You're gonna hit me like lightning (a set of drabbles)

by Yellowshoes18



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Drabbles, M/M, Spanish Lessons, bossy chilwell, chilly and madders fics that don't have a home anywhere else, not sure how many there'll be, social media is not the best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:13:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25039801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellowshoes18/pseuds/Yellowshoes18
Summary: Got a few drabbles or fics that didn't really go far enough to merit their own full-length ones so this will be where I drop them. All fics centred around Ben Chilwell/James Maddison.Disclaimer - This isn't real & no harm is intended
Relationships: Ben Chilwell & James Maddison, Ben Chilwell/James Maddison
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	1. Alternative Spanish Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is trying to learn Spanish and Ben wants to help...in his own way.

"What does '¿Cómo te llamas?' mean ?" Ben asked, pacing the room and holding the Spanish book by his side.

James considered the question. When he'd mentioned that he was struggling to learn Spanish, Ben had offered to help. To give him lessons. This wasn't quite what James had imagined. The first lesson had descended into chaos. Ben had tried to get him to focus but he'd been sat, one leg up on the sofa, James able to see down his shorts. Very distracting. When James got absolutely none of the phrases correct, Ben got very annoyed. His mood brightened somewhat when James dropped to his knees, but he proudly announced he had a much better idea for the next lesson.

This was lesson number two and he was blindfolded and naked. Bound by both his wrists and ankles to the bed. The ironwork framed bed had been Ben's choice and now he understood why. James had expected flashcards, maybe some tapes, and instead here he was, skin prickling and unable to see what Ben was doing.

"Madders, answer, now."

"Mmmm, is it 'how are you?'" James said, sounding as uncertain as he felt.

"Wrong!" 

Ben was enjoying his role as teacher. He knew his voice could sound posh, Madders had both teased him about it and admitted how much of a turn-on it was when he put that voice into being bossy. He leaned closer to the blonde who winced anticipating his next move. James relaxed when nothing happened and it was then that Ben struck him on his thigh, just above his erection. 

The thwack of the belt as it found bare skin was particularly pleasing to Ben. He wanted to reach out and stroke the creamy thigh where he’d struck it but he resisted. If James couldn't grasp the basics, he certainly wasn't going to reward him. 

"Ow!" James protested, but the twitch of his cock betrayed him.

"So start getting the answers right! Again, tell me what '¿Cómo te llamas?' means."

"What's your name?"

"Better, Madders…"

Ben knelt on the bed, dropping down so his mouth hovered over James' cock, seeing the rise of his chest quicken. He let the belt stroke over the length of the cock, before he repeated the action with his tongue and took James into his mouth. James moaned and writhed. 

Learning Spanish had been something he’d wanted to do out of boredom, but he didn't know it could be this much fun. He whined as Ben stopped and he felt the defender’s weight move off the bed.

"Now, tell me what 'Quiero follarte' means…" Ben slapped the belt gently against his palm a few times for effect.

James gulped, considering what to guess. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to get it right or enjoyed how much Ben relished him getting it wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The phrase Ben says at the end, 'Quiero follarte', translates to 'i want to fuck you' (I hope anyway - very much trying to learn myself!). I’m planning a longer part two but it needs more Spanish so it may take a little time to get it right!


	2. Bit of advice, Clive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fic set post Chelsea and Chilwell getting all the abuse (he got caught on camera smiling at Ross Barkley...as if that’s a crime when they’re friends?!). Partially based on the absolute rage I imagine Madders feels and partly inspired by Madders calling out a couple of critical fans on twitter over the last week.

“Madders, please!” Ben called from the bedroom, “Please just come to bed.”

“I’m angry. Let me be angry!” James shouted back.

“Football 101, you do _not_ go on forums or read social media after a loss or when you’re not in great form. It only leads to this. Just put the phone down and come here.”

James sighed; he knew Ben had a point but he couldn’t help himself. Sitting the game out injured in the stand had been torturous enough and then seeing the comments coming in about the team and in particular, Ben, afterwards had sent him into a boiling rage. As if smiling and talking to a friend was illegal. Or meant that Ben didn’t care. Bullshit. He’d come pretty close to setting up a dummy Twitter account so that he could reply to the particularly nasty ones.

“Madders...I’m entirely naked here, you _really_ don’t want to miss that, right?”

A smile crept over James’ face and he rubbed his hand over his chin. Ben had him there. He’d issued the magic words. James abandoned his phone and jogged to the bedroom.

***

When Ben woke up, he rolled over, putting an arm out, expecting to wrap it around a naked blonde. Except the bed was empty. He sat up; no light was coming from the en-suite bathroom so Madders wasn’t in there. 

Climbing gingerly out of bed, Ben slipped his briefs on and padded out into the hallway in search of the midfielder. He heard the sound of keys being aggressively hit and some tutting. A lamp in their living room told him the blonde could be found there. 

He was on the sofa, typing furiously, shaking his head. Illuminated by the screen. James didn’t hear Ben approaching, too busy concentrating on the laptop in front of him. He didn’t jump though when the brunette leaned over and wrapped his arms around his neck from behind. 

“James Maddison, what are you doing?”

The blonde leaned back into the contact.

“I couldn’t sleep...”

“So what, you got up and decided to take on angry football fans, one at a time?”

“It’s out of line, the things they’re saying about the team, the performance,” he looked up at Ben, “About you...I can’t just stay silent. How dare they!” 

James was shaking his head, anger still visibly coursing through his body. Like a pent up puppy, Ben thought. He laughed, taking a seat next to him on the sofa. 

“You’re adorable,” Ben was grinning. 

“What?”

“When you’re angry, it’s so cute,” he rubbed the blonde’s cheek.

Ben pulled James to him, sliding the laptop out of his hand. He smothered the blonde, ruffling his hair. 

“I’m still angry, Chilly.”

“Sure you are.”

James let himself be held, the brunette’s squeezing arms calming him. They fell into a silence, until James sighed lightly.

“I don’t like how you’re being treated.”

Ben shrugged, “I’ll live. I know my own worth, and I love you, but I don’t need you to spend hours arguing with trolls to defend my honour. But it is adorable that you want to.”

James gave him an awkward smile, an apology of sorts. They both knew he wasn’t that sorry though, he'd quite enjoyed calling them out for not supporting the club. It had been tempting for a couple of weeks now. 

“Now can we please go to bed and actually sleep this time?” Ben kissed him.

“I think I’m too wired, too annoyed to sleep...”

“Well maybe we could channel that anger...” Ben ran a hand down his stomach teasing the blonde.


	3. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagining what a real first date would look like for the boys.

It was Ben who asked him out. Of course. After what felt like an age of flirting, of being on the verge of kissing, of eyes glancing at one another's bodies on the pitch and in the changing rooms. James had said yes instantly. Maybe too quickly, Ben knew he had him exactly where he wanted him now.

The brunette set the time, date and location. An intimate Italian restaurant in rural Leicestershire. Upmarket enough to ensure their date would remain private and not romantic enough to be confused with just team mates enjoying a meal. He even arranged for a taxi to pick James up so that they could both drink. Ben had selected his outfit on the evening, only checked himself once in the mirror to confirm that he looked good. 

James had deliberated over his outfit for three days. What did he look good in? And that Ben hadn't already seen him in? He wanted clothes that made him look keen but not desperate. He also knew fashion was important to Ben. He changed twice with minutes to spare, getting confirmation from his best friend that he looked ok. 

Palms sweaty in the taxi, not helped by Ben sending a photo of himself already outside the restaurant looking effortlessly gorgeous of course. He hated that the photo would be wiped from Snapchat as soon as it flashed off his screen. 

***

When he arrived, a waiter collected him and ushered him to the table. He felt like a bag of jumbled nerves that instantly rearranged themselves and settled at the sight of the defender, all in black and looking gorgeous. Ben embraced him then took in his outfit, an approving smile. 

"You look good. I like the trainers."

"You look amazing," James replied, eyes drawn to the exposed collarbone where Ben had left the top two buttons on his shirt open.

A smiling waitress delivered their menus, hastily running through the specials and departing, telling them she'd be back to take their order when they were ready. 

"Hmm, what do you fancy?" James asked, already excited. Picking food was something he loved. Something that made him more comfortable.

He'd already downloaded the menu a few days ago, but he pretended to examine it thoroughly now, afraid of looking uncool in front of the other man.

"Apart from myself?" Ben asked, smirking.

"Wow. And you said I was cocky!"

Ben shrugged. His retort was prevented by another young waitress ready to take their drinks order. Ben ordered a bottle of Peroni and had to conceal a giggle when James ordered a pornstar martini.

"Really?" He asked when the waitress left.

James mimicked his shrug now, "They're fruity, get over it."

"So James Maddison, dating...what's your type?"

"Gotta have nice eyes. Sense of humour. I like somebody that can dress themselves well, that gets clothes. A cheeky smile can get you a long way with me." James tilted his head, "I've been told that I seem to go for a bad boy."

Ben was grinning. He lifted his own shirt up at the shoulders before pointing a thumb at himself.

"You were only missing dark and handsome and you've just described me."

"You are _not_ a bad boy! You just have the cockiness of one." James replied, sipping his drink.

"You're smiling though so you know it's a turn on!"

James laughed, "I should have added that family is really important to me. I need somebody I can take home to my Mum."

"Oh Madders, your Mum is going to love me. She'll ask after me every time you call her, guaranteed."

Ben leaned forward, the devilish look in his eyes suggested he had a secret to share.

"I'm going to tell you the future."

"Well this should be good."

"We're going to have this meal, I'll pay because I am a gentleman and then I'm taking you home with me," Ben paused, letting James' mind wander momentarily, "You'll tell yourself you're not putting out, it's only our first date after all. But I promise that you'll be moaning and screaming out my name before the night is out."

James gulped, his instinct was to push down the bulge in his trousers. Skinny chinos didn't have room for that but fuck if he hadn't got hard almost instantly somewhere between that look of danger in Ben's eyes and the way his voice whispered out the dirty promises. 

Ben sat back, laughed. He was enjoying the pink flush that had crept over James' cheeks, the way his knuckles were white from gripping the tablecloth and his sudden need for a glass of water as he squeaked his request out for their waitress. The attentive waitress hurried off to fulfill that need, leaving them alone again.

"If I was to reach under the table…"

"Don't you dare, Chilly!" 

"That hard? Wow, I'm even better than you thought I would be, right?"

James was hot. Well, Ben was hot but it meant that the restaurant suddenly felt like a sauna. He tried to waft some air down his shirt, knowing how red in the face he looked. Fuck, Ben was still staring at him with that look. That cocky, fucking sexy as anything look. His erection was pushing against his trousers, painfully now. 

"I, erm," he stood, careful to put his hands awkwardly in front of his groin, "I'll be right back!"

"Sure."

Ben's hand stealthily squeezed James' arse as he bolted past. He carried on smirking to himself as the waitress returned with water and he politely thanked her.

***

Despite Ben's best efforts, more innuendos, intense eyes and even a little bit of old fashioned footsie under the table, they made it through two courses of food. If James was honest, this was the best first date he'd ever had. When the waitress apologetically interrupted them to leave the dessert menus, James picked one up. 

"Shall we have a dessert?"

Ben considered that question for a long moment, not breaking eye contact with James during the silence. His eyes sparkled mischievously again.

"I'm not sure they serve what I really want…"

"Erm I mean, they have a fair few options and-"

"I want a sundae. Has anybody ever got chocolate sauce, whipped cream and strawberries and made you the dessert before?" Ben asked, entirely seriously.

James knew he was going red again and he had to glance down at the table, unsure of how to respond and keen not to get so hard again in this damn restaurant.

"Mmm, that's what I want." Ben leaned closer, lowering his voice, "I'll put it all on you and it'll taste so fucking good when I lick it off and my tongue will mix all those flavours together."

"Fuck, Chilly, you have to stop doing this to me in public!"

"So, back to my place or yours?"

True to his word, Ben settled the bill and had the restaurant call them a taxi. They waited outside, James kept complaining how hot he was. Ben didn't mind, out here it was quieter...more private. He backed the blonde up against a wall, out of sight of the other diners inside.

"I'm going to make you one more promise…"

Ben was close enough to kiss the blonde now, but he deliberately didn't, saw how James' lips twitched, how he was looking from Ben's eyes to his lips. A drawn out moment that would make this line all the more cheesily romantic, but Ben knew it would work

"I'm going to be your last first kiss."

James melted into the eventual kiss, grateful for the brunette's arms that helped keep them steady. It was long, patient, tender but the brief bite that Ben's teeth made at the end and the glint in his eyes suggested the night was far from over.


	4. I'm pretty sure we weren't having the same conversation!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask why my brain constructed this but yeah. The boys have some miscommunication about a parcel and Chilly is not going to live this down.

Training was done for the day, which meant players taking their time in the changing rooms, catching up, picking up parcels that had been delivered to the training ground for them. Lunch would be served but they had some time to kill first. 

Ben, who’d got caught up talking to the gaffer before heading back to the changing rooms, didn't think too much of Kasper walking past and shaking his head. He thought the Dane had muttered _'you two are fucking unbelievable'_ but he shrugged it off when their Captain carried on walking and didn’t turn back. When Ben stepped into the changing room though, everybody was staring at him. Crowded around his locker space.

"Chilly, you fucking kinky bastard!" Jonny Evans was holding up a big black dildo.

Somehow the words coming out in that Northern Irish accent made it sound even worse than it was. On Ben's seat was a black box, fully open that all the players were stood around. Marc Albrighton was holding up some handcuffs, somebody else threw a bottle of lube at him and Ben's mind whirred trying to work out what was going on. Jonny continued holding up the black dildo, wobbling it slightly.

Ben had to say something. 

"That's not mine-"

"Mate, you really didn't think getting that delivered here was a good idea did you?" Evans laughed, poking him with the dildo. 

"I err...this really isn’t mine and-" he shuffled uncomfortably, looking for who he suddenly realised was the culprit for this. Realising he was getting redder in the face with every passing second, he spat out, "I have to go do something."

As Ben exited, he thought he heard the conversation continue amongst the screams and the laughter.

“It’s addressed to you! There’s a receipt with your payment information!” Marc shouted at the retreating brunette.

"You just know he's going to use it on fucking Madders too!" said the Northern Irish man, tossing the dildo to Kelechi Iheanacho who howled into more giggles as he caught it.

"There's a vibrator too?!" cried another player.

Ben didn't have to walk too far before he found Madders. The blonde had been chatting to the reception staff but spotted Ben, waved and jogged to him. 

He looked momentarily confused when Ben took him by the arm and dragged him into a side room with a face of thunder.

"Why did you get that delivered here?!" Ben asked quickly, his cheeks were flushed, eyes wide in embarrassment. 

"Huh?" 

"The fucking Love Honey order. There's lube, handcuffs, a dildo and a fucking vibrator just sitting open in there! They're never going to let me live this one down."

James smirked, "You said to get it delivered here. It's normally in a really discreet box-"

"Madders, it's a black box with no labelling and I hadn't told security I was expecting a delivery today. What do you think they did with it?!"

"Oh-" James' face spread to a horrified smile, "They opened it and checked what was inside!"

"Thanks, Captain obvious. I didn't say to get it delivered here, Madders!"

"Yeah you did, right after you said _'is ten inches going to be big enough'_ which by the way, I still don't know if you're joking because any bigger would be huge and I-"

Ben grabbed him by the shoulders, "I wasn't talking about sex toys!"

"Yeah we were! You asked about when it could be delivered because you really wanted to see how well it fit and that was a bit distracting really for me when we were getting ready to go out. I got really hard imagining you testing it out on me. You said you thought it'd probably be just big enough and-"

Ben and he had been in separate rooms during this conversation two days ago. Madders was on the laptop in the bedroom, he was supposed to be putting through both an Amazon order and topping up the essentials on Love Honey. Ben was in the kitchen checking just what they needed from Amazon.

"Madders, I'm pretty sure we weren't having the same conversation!" Ben balled his first, putting it to his mouth, "If we were talking about the same thing, Jonny Evans wouldn't be holding a fucking ten inch dildo in there, would he?"

James tried not to laugh at the mental image that conjured up. Ben was mad, him laughing probably wouldn't help. Probably. He rubbed his chin to try and hide the smile.

"So what were you expecting?"

"The coffee capsule holder?! I wasn't sure the ten inch one would hold enough capsules!" Ben was exacerbated now, “Coffee, Madders, not a fucking dildo.”

"Ohhh, that!" Madders shrugged, checking his phone, "Err, dispatched and should be here...tomorrow!"

"They're never going to let me live this down. And more handcuffs?!"

"When you tied me up last, one felt loose, so I thought why not. And these are black and sparkly-" James could see Ben was not impressed, "I'm sorry.."

Ben was leaning against the wall. He knew he couldn’t stay mad at Madders for long. Not when the blonde was looking at him like. Any momentary forgiveness went out the window though as Evans poked his head around the doorway.

“Can’t wait for lunch lads!” He waved the dildo at them before leaving again, “Going to be so much fun.”

“Is he going to bring that to lunch?” James was wide-eyed again, unsure whether to laugh or cry. 

“Of course he fucking is. I’m going to get ridiculed,” Ben glared at Madders, “I hate you right now.”

Madders went to protest, but noticed the devilish flash in Ben’s eyes.

“And I am so going to make you regret buying me secure, better handcuffs later on when we test that thing out!”


	5. Nurse Chilly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madders had to have a small surgery on his hip and is on a crutch. I'm imagining that can't be on his own much so this centres on Ben picking him up post operation and acting as nurse. Lots of fluff, a tiny bit of sadness. 
> 
> Usual disclaimer, this isn't true and it's not meant to be do any harm.

"Mr Chilwell," a doctor came out and shook his hand, "I didn't realise you stayed for the operation, you didn't need to, it was all routine."

Ben knew it was a simple operation, low risk, he knew how it looked that he’d stayed. He just didn't care. 

"I wanted to be here. Is he allowed to go home now?" 

"Ok. The surgery went well, so you can take him home now. But he did have general anaesthetic so he might slur his words for a few hours. He should sleep a little and if anything seems wrong, call us straight away. He shouldn't put much pressure on the joint for a while so we're giving him a crutch. And he needs to keep the compression socks on at all times for at least a week. All clear?"

"Yes, I've got a wheelchair for him already too."

Ben wheeled the slightly drowsy looking James out of the hospital and to his car. It wasn't often that he regretted buying a Defender but having to lift Madders up and into it without bending his hip or banging it proved a challenge. Lucky the blonde didn't weigh much more.

Once he’d safely got him into the car, Ben allowed himself a moment to stroke James’ hand, brush some hair back into place and then smirked when he caught sight of those long, white socks.

“I love your Grandad socks,” he chuckled.

“I don’t think even you could make these fashion,” Madders replied, sounding a little groggy, “Stop! Stop laughing at me. You know you still want me.”

Ben nodded in agreement, one final stroke of the blonde’s hair before he closed the door and wrestled the wheelchair to fold up. 

On the drive home, the midfielder was quiet. He’d done his best to get comfortable despite needing to keep his leg straight.

"Chilly?" Slightly slurred, the midfielder let his head flop onto his shoulder so he could look at the driver.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

"Why baby?" Ben grabbed his leg, finding his hand and rubbing it to reassure the midfielder.

"If you leave...what about me? I don't know what I'd do."

Ben gulped. The older man sounded like a child with innocence but brutal honesty pitched in his voice. 

"I know, Madders, but I'm still here. I'm coming home with you and I'll be right by your side for the next week."

"Ok," James nodded slowly, "I hope it's not just for the next week though."

"I know, baby…" Ben kept his eyes on the road, left his hand stroking the blonde's who seemed to have gone back to dozing and looking out of the window.

Ben hadn't lied. He just didn't know what things would look like in a month's time and he knew eventually James would ask him about this with a clear head. He wasn't prepared for that conversation yet.

***

With James comfortably asleep in his bed, his dog on guard next to him, Ben tried to sit down and watch something on Netflix. He'd sworn that he was ok with how messy the apartment was. It definitely didn't bother him that there were open video game cases with the wrong discs on the floor. Or that an open packet of nuts lay discarded on the chair. Or that there were dog toys scattered everywhere. 

He checked his watch and realised only thirty minutes had passed. With a sigh he stood up and proceeded to right the many wrongs. When he'd finally tidied everything away, put things back in their rightful place and cleaned he was shocked to find that an hour and a half had passed. 

Padding quietly into the bedroom, Ben climbed alongside the sleeping blonde and gently woke him by kissing each of his cheeks and forehead.

"Hey, sorry, you need to take one of these. I brought you some water." Ben handed him a tablet and the glass.

James sat up, obediently taking it and thankful for the water, “Thanks, Nurse Chilly.”

“I think I’d make a good nurse too, my bedside manner and cleanliness are impeccable,” Ben moved closer to Madders, rubbing the underneath of his chin, “I have had some unprofessional thoughts about this one patient though...”

He dipped his head to kiss James’ neck.

“I keep thinking about what I want to do to him when he’s fully healed.”

“Mmm, is he worth that kind of risk?”

“Oh yeah!” Ben found his lips now, passionately kissing him but conscious to be gentle. “Get some more sleep, Madders. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

***

Ben was caught up in his own thoughts, oblivious to whatever was going on in the episode of After Life. He’d revisit it with Madders at some point. A noise brought him back to Earth and he looked up to see the blonde awkwardly, but cautiously walking into the room, crutch looking like it sat on his arm in a familiar way. 

He was quick to rush to Madders’ side but the midfielder waved him away. 

“I’m ok, I’m ok,” He eased himself down onto the sofa, “I got used to crutches before, but I hate them.”

“Do you want me to make you something to eat? A coffee?”

“No...” he looked at Ben for a long time, considering saying something but then dismissing it, “Chilly, can you just let me sleep on you?”

“Of course, baby,” he opened his arms and let the midfielder mould their bodies together.

A quick glance at social media told him there were more rumblings again of Chelsea being interested in him. He knew Madders would have seen them. In the same way he knew Madders was close to committing his future to Leicester. He sighed, stroking the messy blonde hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chilly rumours are everywhere and they suck. And this bromance should never be parted but we'll wait and see.


	6. I know you have to leave and I wont stop you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one I've been putting off. Set on the day Chilwell leaves for Chelsea. So pre the longer standalone Scary Stories posted last week.
> 
> This is sad, mopey, fluff at best. Breaking up the ultimate bromance is a tragedy and that video Maddison posted killed us all, right?

Ben's last day in Leicester. The day they've avoided. Madders' world is shattering and there's nothing he can do about it because the only thing worse than letting him go would be having to live with stopping him.

This was everything they'd been avoiding. They hadn't spoken about transfers, or next season. They'd acted like football didn't exist outside of staying fit. It was pretty easy when both of them could only partake in light work while recovering from injuries.

But they couldn't deny this. Ben had cleaned out his locker at the training ground and his stuff was in bags and boxes. To be fair, so was Madders' stuff. He was moving into his own new house though, still a short car journey from Leicester. He'd still be playing at the King Power. Nothing was changing. Except that everything was changing. His whole world was crumbling and he was powerless to stop it.

They didn't have to talk about it for Madders to know that Ben would still be in blue next season. Just Chelsea blue. He'd be in London, in his own apartment and not with Madders. They'd be rivals on the pitch now and off the pitch? That was the problem. Not talking about it meant that neither really knew.

Madders had been determined not to cry, not to plead and not to try and dampen Ben's excitement. This was a huge move for his best friend, for the man he loved. But was it at the expense of them? Of this? He wanted nothing more than to pretend that they'd continue as they were yet that seemed but a hope. He knew if he asked, it would make the choice difficult. He also knew the only thing worse than Ben leaving was him staying because of Madders and resenting him later.

I know you have to leave and I wont stop you...

Ben had felt physically sick since they'd gone to bed the previous night. He'd not slept. He was excited to start a new journey in his career but he knew of the consequences it could have on his personal life. He knew how much he was hurting Madders. The blonde acted tough, and everybody loved him, but he was still leaving him. Madders wasn't good at being alone. 

He watched Madders sleep. The older man was facing him and looked content. Even in his sleep he was still beautiful. Ben wished he could delay the inevitable alarm that would ring out soon. A vocal mark of the change to come. They'd be unable to avoid it any longer. Ben let a hand drop over Madders' face, cupping his chin, stubble grazing his fingers. 

"No, not morning already," the little voice said.

"Carry on sleeping, the alarm won't go off yet."

Silence washed over the room again before Madders stirred properly this time. There was a resigned sadness in his eyes that he couldn't conceal and Ben couldn't unsee.

"I don't know how to do this with you," Madders whispered, pulling him closer.

"To do what?" Ben asked, voice cracking slightly because it was a stupid question he already knew the answer to.

"Say goodbye."

"We don't have to...we…"

"You don't know what's going to happen but the fact that we haven't talked about it means it's not staying the same."

Ben looked down. Madders' wasn't stupid and he'd called the situation perfectly. He didn't know how to answer for fear of further hurting the blonde.

"This doesn't have to change. Madders, I- look, this is super hard and I need to know you're happy for me. This was a huge decision."

Madders sat up, ran hands down the defender's face.

"Chilly, I'm happy for you. So happy! Insanely proud! This is huge, you're going to be a first team player at Chelsea!" He kissed him, "But I don't understand what this move means for us and I can't pretend to be ok about that part."

"I don't want us to change. But I need some time to settle and with my injury and everything with the virus, I can't be coming back and forth to Leicester."

"And I won't be able to do it in London "

They sat quietly, arms touching, limbs tangled and the sheets a mess. A mess like this whole situation. 

"We've done it before."

"Yeah, because that ended well."

"Madders, we were younger…"

"Exactly. It was less serious and it still went badly. We're great together. We don't usually do so well apart."

Ben chewed his lip. He wasn't one to cry, and he didn't want to do it now but whatever he imagined for how hard this would, he could never have predicted so hard. Neither of them were saying the right thing. 

"Is this not enough?" James choked out, leaving off the real question, Am I not enough? 

Ben couldn't answer, no words could give Madders the answer he wanted so he just hugged him instead. They held it there for what felt like an age before the blonde spoke again. 

"I won't be there this afternoon, when you say goodbye to the boys. The boss is letting me skip it."

He couldn't look at Ben as he said it. He knew the brunette would understand but he also knew how hurt he'd be by this.

"I can't say goodbye to you Chilly, I just can't."

"What if it isn't a goodbye but just a pause?"

He knew that was the worst thing he could have said because those big blue eyes were glossy and the lip quivered.

"Don't you kinda think that's worse?" 

"Madders I-, I love you. That isn't in doubt, that isn't a question or a debate. Ok?"

"I know."

Ben signed, sensing the but. "But…?"

"I know you love me, and I know I love you. But I also know that when I get back tonight, you, this, it will all be gone."

Ben kissed him, it was a heavy kiss, a long kiss and one that he hoped would convey the words he couldn't speak.

*****

The tears only came later that day after the euphoria and the excitement and the adrenaline ran out. When it was just him alone in a bed in a sparsely furnished apartment, alone. Ben was clutching his phone, Instagram currently replaying the video Madders had posted of them for a third time. It was too much, it was soppy, it was trademark Madders and it was perfect.

He opened up his call log several times, hovering over the familiar number. Each time deciding the best thing he could do for the blonde was to give him some space.


	7. Falling Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got five half-written pieces with these two that I'm struggling to finish but this one came into my head today and essentially wrote it's fluffy, reminiscing self. What would you know? Anyway, it's snowing and the boys are taking a trip down memory lane.
> 
> Usual Disclaimer: This is not true. It's not intended to cause any harm or imply it's real in any way.

Madders had woken from a nap to the snow falling lightly. It drew a smile to his lips and rekindled some excitement for the day after not being able to train too much. He forced himself up, padding to the kitchen to make a cocoa and set up some music before returning to the bedroom.

Big glass windows granted him a view of his garden. A perfect watching place to admire the snow. He found himself daydreaming as the snow came down. 

His phone rang and he picked it up, absentmindedly, not checking the caller ID first.

"Hello?"

"Madders!"

That posh, crisp voice stopped him in his tracks. He had to pull the phone back and see that pretty face on the caller ID screen to believe he wasn't dreaming. Their calls seemed so sporadic lately.

"Chilly, how's it going, bro?" Too casual and he slapped himself on the forehead.

The voice at the other end laughed. It sounded light and breezy. Madders put it on loudspeaker, elevating the phone on the pillow next to him and rolling back onto his stomach.

"It's snowing."

"Yeah. You called me to tell me it's snowing?"

"You always loved the snow. It made me think of you."

Madders heart tugged a little and he looked back at the screen, at the photo of Ben.

"I bet I can guess what you're doing right now" the voice teased, it wasn't hard to imagine the accompanying white-toothed grin that would come with it, "you're laid out on your bed, probably in trackies, head tilted to one side watching the falling snow."

Madders smiled, Ben had only missed one tiny detail.

"Wait, I forgot! You've got a fresh cup of cocoa too to keep you warm. Maybe some Adele on the speakers…"

"You know me better than myself, Chilly," Madders turned his head to face his phone screen.

"I always did. I'm watching it too. From my balcony."

"You're outside?! It's freezing!"

"Aristotle said 'to appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold'."

Madders snorted, laughing.

"Aristotle?! What the fuck, bro?" 

"Hey, I read!" Ben defended himself, unable not to laugh too, Madders' infectious giggle making him smile. 

"I know, your smartness always made me feel dumb."

There was a pause in the conversation. Madders loved watching the snowfall because it did it so quietly. He'd loved nothing more as a kid than those dead days between Christmas and New Year where you could sleep and wake up, the world looking entirely different. An unexpected surprise that crept up on everything it covered.

"Show me how it looks with you." Ben asked.

Madders picked up his phone, switching the call to video and letting the brunette see out into his garden. It was only a thin layer on the ground but it was falling more heavily now, consistently large and dense flakes falling closely together.

"That'll be covered soon. Turn the camera around?"

"You want to see my face?! Ugh, I haven't even got out today, I'm resting my knee."

"Madders, just do it!"

The blonde rolled his eyes before flipping to his front camera, his image replacing the snow. He cringed for a second before the static image of Ben went black and then became live.

Ben was bundled up in a huge coat, thick hat on his head. He looked cold but he had the warmest smile on his face. Madders couldn't help but reciprocate, leaning his head to get a better look. 

"That's a much better view," Ben winked. The snow was falling around him, big flakes landing on the edges of his coat.

"Ben, you can't stay outside much longer, you'll get ill!"

"I know. I just saw it snowing and I thought of you and how excited you get like a puppy about snow."

Madders laughed. He couldn't deny it. He was already thinking he'd go out and introduce his dog to the snow.

"Remember when you were at Aberdeen and I came to visit?"

"Oh my god, your driving in the snow was so bad, that poor rental car was probably never the same!" Madders covered his eyes as he laughed.

"Remember the snowball fight?" Ben asked, eyes twinkling.

"The one you used as an excuse to get me out into the woods so we had to shelter in that little hut, just the two of us! It didn't even have a heater!"

"I don't remember you being cold.." Ben invoked the memories with a raise of his eyebrow. They'd got by on body heat alone, twelve hours well spent under blankets, bodies pressed against one another while the snow laid siege to the landscape outside.

"No, not with your horny hands everywhere!"

"I wish I was in bed with you now…" he was moving back inside his flat now. Deliberately letting the camera show him unzip his coat.

"Me too. You always make snow days memorable."

"Well we've not tried phone sex during a snow day..."

Madders smirked, pulling up his top slightly to tease his toned midriff, "Always corrupting me!"


End file.
